When are the UK government and its money-grabbing police force finally going to admit that they have totally lost control of their town and city centres due to alcohol-fuelled disorder and violent crime? (I see however that revenues from speed cameras and parking fines are still coming in very nicely. Well done on that score!)

We are reliably informed by our lords and masters that this modern-day problem is due to the relatively recent (and catchily-titled) phenomenon of young people ‘binge-drinking’. And apparently it’s all the fault of the big, bad drinks industry for failing to act voluntarily to curb the problem of alcohol abuse.

Yes folks, if it wasn’t for their profiteering, ‘irresponsible’ marketing and ‘failure to address the social consequences of alcohol misuse’ we would all stop tipping booze down our necks like there’s no tomorrow and be in bed by nine-thirty with our Horlicks!

Well I hate to piss on the spin doctors’ fireworks but what we are seeing now cannot be blamed on the drinks industry. Nor is it a new and unexpected breed of 21st-century lawbreakers and troublemakers.

I think, if they bother to look, they’ll find it’s the result of the remorseless decline of educational, social and family standards brought about by successive governments’ completely ineffectual, liberal, pc, namby-pamby policies and budget cutbacks.

Unfortunately the attitude and antics of these new-age drunken low-lifes is starting to become the norm. Not helped by the constant exposure and exposés on UK television which seems to give it a certain ‘street cred’.

And as the great British public sinks further into the abyss the young majority has no choice but to dumb down their ideals and succumb to the peer pressure of these morons.

Otherwise a good kicking by fifteen pissed-up ‘geezers’ out for a ‘larf’ could well be the result. That’s if you’re lucky of course. Many innocent people who have tried to stand up to these brain-dead tossers have paid for it with their lives.

So, Mr Government, why not stop trying to blame someone else and just admit that this whole binge-drinking problem is your responsibility?

Why not just own up to the fact that it’s caused by the product of your failing policies - the disaffected, uneducated and dysfunctional masses - who are driving themselves headlong into vomiting oblivion every weekend in order to escape their purposeless and empty lives?

This is the problem that needs to be tackled, and tackled very quickly, because these morons are producing babies at the speed of light and it’s these kids that are going to be your real problem in the future - x1000%!

Still, I don’t suppose you lot give a monkey’s toss really. You’ll be ensconced in your ivory towers with your obligatory knighthoods by then.

Pull up the drawbridge, Jeeves.