Being so close to Africa gives Spain’s southern coast its perfect climate yet it’s only 2 – 3 hours away from most northern European airports.

Ok, it might not be exotic like India or the Far East, or spectacular like the Rocky Mountains, but to most of Europe it’s… near! Plus it’s still in Europe, with all the infrastructure and familiarity that goes with it.

So contrary to what the nay-sayers would have you believe the Costa del Sol is still here and hasn’t sunk under a tsunami of greed and corruption.

Granted, we’ve had more than our fair share of this but this has always been the way of the Spanish authorities. Corruption is a part of life, it just comes with the job. Most of the time it’s done under the table and doesn’t really affect your average citizen.

Unfortunately a few mayors and developers have got a bit too greedy, putting a handful of ordinary people at risk of losing their homes, and this has hit the media who have grabbed it in their slavering jaws and shaken it to death.

It must be true, it’s in the papers!

This has given much fuel to the ‘Spanish Bashers’ who read this sensationalist rubbish and are adamant that Spain, the Costa and its property market are finished, destroyed by its own greed.

It has also contributed to the rise of all the dodgy real estate ‘consultants’ who have fled Spain and are now remorselessly pushing their dubious developments in Bulgaria, Turkey, Romania, et al. Are they seriously trying to tell us that these places are models of democratic fairness? Do they really think that we believe there’s no corruption going on in these places too?

Do me a favour! If these countries are such a “ground floor investment opportunity” why are all their own citizens banging on the door of civilised Europe in search of a better life?

Why would you want to live in some God-forsaken, third world country anyway? At least Spain’s got a modicum of democracy and a fairly modern infrastructure. An infrastructure, incidently, that they’re now spending millions on to improve.

Massive investment

Things like the new airport terminal at Malaga, tripling its capacity to handle over 20 million visitors a year. Also the new coastal railway line, motorways, hospitals and schools.

High speed rail links to northern Spain are also on the agenda. Ask yourself this: Would they be spending all this money if they thought for one moment that the Costa bubble had burst forever? I don’t think so.

In reality the Costa del Sol has already had its ‘boom and bust’. The boom happened between 1999 and 2004 and the bust came between 2005 and 2007. So when the rest of the world had its financial meltdown in 2008 it didn’t affect us much because we were already there.

Granted, the property market is pretty-much a buyers one today but the buyers are there, and more and more are coming back, because prices are realistic at the moment.

Leading the way to recovery

The Costa del Sol was ahead of the meltdown and it will lead the recovery because it’s where people want to be. Why else would Spain be spending so much on its facilities and infrastructure?

We knew all about the pain of recession before the rest of Europe so we’re ideally placed to gallop ahead once the recovery starts in earnest. With the rise in buyer numbers and the more positive outlook of the market we’re already taking the first steps.

So don’t believe the Spanish Bashers, the Costa del Sol will remain Europe’s Hot-Spot for a long time yet.

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Now, allow me to let you in on a little secret: making good coffee is not hard! I just load up the machine, get a shot of espresso, steam-up the milk and voila! Although I say it myself, I make pretty-damn-good coffee!

Why then, when I’m in the UK, can I not find a single so-called ‘coffee shop’ that can give me the same thing? Believe me, I’ve tried most of the chains – Starbucks, Costa, Nero, Republic, etc. – and also a lot of independent cafes and ’specialist’ shops.

Why can’t they make coffee like the Continentals? And why is coffee so expensive in the UK? And why does this expensive brown liquid always taste like someone’s washed their socks in it?

As you may know, I live in southern Spain so I can also go to any bar or cafe at any time of the day or night and get a proper, strong, flavourful cup of coffee. Not only that but it will only cost me about 1.30€. That’s about a pound of your English money, or a coupla bucks US.

Granted, it won’t be the size of a builder’s mug but who wants a f***ing great vatful anyway? What it will be is small, concentrated and coffee-flavoured. If you’re not satisfied by just the one you can always have another, it’ll still be half the price of your average mug of piss that you get in the UK.

Come on guys, what’s the problem? If I can do it, and every cafe, bar and restaurant in Spain (or Italy, or France) can do it, surely it can’t be beyond the realms of possibility that you could do it too?

We are reliably informed by our lords and masters that this modern-day problem is due to the relatively recent (and catchily-titled) phenomenon of young people ‘binge-drinking’. And apparently it’s all the fault of the big, bad drinks industry for failing to act voluntarily to curb the problem of alcohol abuse.

Yes folks, if it wasn’t for their profiteering, ‘irresponsible’ marketing and ‘failure to address the social consequences of alcohol misuse’ we would all stop tipping booze down our necks like there’s no tomorrow and be in bed by nine-thirty with our Horlicks!

Well I hate to piss on the spin doctors’ fireworks but what we are seeing now cannot be blamed on the drinks industry. Nor is it a new and unexpected breed of 21st-century lawbreakers and troublemakers.

I think, if they bother to look, they’ll find it’s the result of the remorseless decline of educational, social and family standards brought about by successive governments’ completely ineffectual, liberal, pc, namby-pamby policies and budget cutbacks.

Unfortunately the attitude and antics of these new-age drunken low-lifes is starting to become the norm. Not helped by the constant exposure and exposés on UK television which seems to give it a certain ‘street cred’.

And as the great British public sinks further into the abyss the young majority has no choice but to dumb down their ideals and succumb to the peer pressure of these morons.

Otherwise a good kicking by fifteen pissed-up ‘geezers’ out for a ‘larf’ could well be the result. That’s if you’re lucky of course. Many innocent people who have tried to stand up to these brain-dead tossers have paid for it with their lives.

So, Mr Government, why not stop trying to blame someone else and just admit that this whole binge-drinking problem is your responsibility?

Why not just own up to the fact that it’s caused by the product of your failing policies – the disaffected, uneducated and dysfunctional masses – who are driving themselves headlong into vomiting oblivion every weekend in order to escape their purposeless and empty lives?

This is the problem that needs to be tackled, and tackled very quickly, because these morons are producing babies at the speed of light and it’s these kids that are going to be your real problem in the future – x1000%!

Still, I don’t suppose you lot give a monkey’s toss really. You’ll be ensconced in your ivory towers with your obligatory knighthoods by then.

Pull up the drawbridge, Jeeves.

Her new series ‘Nigella Express’ just seems to be endless shots of her making eyes at the camera and smiling coquettishly at the naughtiness of eating fattening ‘comfort food’.

You don’t need to keep reminding us that you are being ’sexy/naughty’ by forever snacking or raiding the fridge at night Nigella, we can see it quite obviously on your hips.

And what’s all this nonsense about being down-to-earth and getting on a bus to go to the local shops for your ingredients? Who do you think you’re fooling there then? Funny how the bus always seems to be empty when you’re on it, eh?

C’mon Nigella, don’t insult our intelligence, we all know where you come from and who you’re married to. You don’t do buses, now do you? Come to think of it you probably don’t do a lot of cooking at home either!

The format for her shows has been a huge success up to now, good wholesome food with a little sexy eye contact thrown in works wonders for the viewing figures – especially the male ones!

But it’s going too far now, it’s starting to smack of desperation and overkill. Like the food’s secondary to the flirting and the cynical attempt to be ‘just like you ordinary folk’.

Nigella, for what it’s worth here’s my advice. Sack your producer and get back to what you do best: home cooking with a bit of spiciness thrown in.

We all love your little flirts with us but what we really want is a little less ’sad old slapper’ and a little more ‘goddess in the kitchen’.

Take some salad leaves and throw them on a plate.  You can use pre-packed of any description or rocket or watercress, whatever you’ve got is fine.

Throw on some Serrano ham (Jamon Iberico is the best), some cut up peaches, some broken up buffalo mozarella cheese (not the pre-grated stuff) and mix it all up a bit.

Make up a sharp-ish dressing (3 parts olive oil, 1 part lemon juice, salt and pepper) and pour it over the salad.  Job done.

Eat with some nice crusty wholemeal and a glass of your favourite wine.  Simple, tasty, healthy and fast.